


It's Raining

by platyrooni



Series: wipe your knees off and look towards the sun [1]
Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Implied/Referenced Suicide, One Shot, i wrote this last year... i was very depressed but writing this helped i think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-08-06 18:28:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16392881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/platyrooni/pseuds/platyrooni
Summary: It's raining.The Farmer stares into the choppy waters below.(the cliff scene goes a little differently)





	It's Raining

Shane was fuming. He was always fuming nowadays, what with the stress of work and the constant,  _ constant _ nibbling at the back of his mind that told him that he was worthless, horrible, pathetic.

He had guzzled one and a half cans of beer when he felt the walls of his room close in on him and he threw himself out the door into Cindersnap Forest, dragging a 6-pack of beer behind him.

Fume, fume, fume. He traipsed through mud, drowning himself after each step, and the 6-pack got lighter as his heart got heavier and heavier.

_ I’m a joke, _ he thought.  _ I’m stupid and a dumbass and it’s all my fault. Everything, everything is my fault and there’s nothing I can do about it nothing nothing nothing except get rid of myself and let everything get better for everybody else because I won’t be here. _

A quiet sadness nestled itself into Shane’s heart.

_ Of course it would all be better if I wasn’t here. _

Shane had to catch himself to narrowly avoid swaying into a shrub. It was raining, he noticed, and he was drenched uncomfortably in rain and mudwater.

_ I deserve this. _

He heard the crashing of waves and he knew that he was near the cliffs’ edge, and he started to drag himself there. When he had managed to cross the river, he didn't know.

_ It’ll be better this way. _

A figure encroached the horizon, and before Shane could process the meaning of this, the figure turned and Shane recognized the Farmer.

“Shane?”

“What the fuck are  _ you _ doing here?”

Shane took a moment to think,  _ really _ think, and he was so surprised that he probably stood there for a minute or two before fully processing where the Farmer was actually standing.

So close, too close to the cliffs’ edge.

Confusion turned to panic as Shane saw how fucking  _ scared _ and  _ sad _ the Farmer looked, how they seem to draw themselves into themselves, trying to hide their shame. Shane knew that look. He  _ knew _ that  _ feeling _ the Farmer was desperately trying to repress-

But, Shane thought he knew the Farmer. He considered them one of his closer acquaintances, he  _ thought _ he  _ knew _ them. He’d never considered- never considered-

The Farmer took a step back, closer to the edge, closer to those infinite crashing waves, and Shane felt the world fall away as he saw the worst case scenario in his mind unfold.

The Farmer didn’t deserve this.

Stepping closer, Shane dropped his beer cans. He burned his eyes into theirs and he saw them swirling.

“What the fuck are you doing?” he hated how  _ betrayed _ he sounded just then- there was nothing he hated more than people feeling like he had personally wronged them by feeling bad about himself.

Shane could hear the waves  _ so closely _ , like he was standing right there at the edge, an ominous lull that beckoned the weary.

Shane took a step forward.

The Farmer took a step back. Fuck.

“God, I- what am I doing,” the Farmer wiped their eyes and laughed, “This is so stupid, Shane, I, ha ha, I’m sorry, I was just so  _ sad _ this morning I-” they choked out a laugh-cry and fell to their knees with a sigh.

Shane unclenched his jaw and felt an overwhelming sense of discomfort. This was not how he thought his day would go. He crouched and hugged his knees as he listened to the Farmer’s shaky laugh-sobs through the ever-pelting rain.

After a couple minutes, Shane’s legs got tired, so he stood up and stretched them out.

“You good?” he hollered.

“Yah,” the Farmer hollered back.

Shane walked over and sat down next to the farmer with a muddy plop.

There was something in the back of Shane’s mind that told him that this was  _ his _ fault; maybe if he had shown more concern on for the farmer that night on the docks, maybe if he had been less callous to them every night at the bar, maybe if he had spoken up when he noticed that distant resignation in their eyes…

“I wasn’t going to jump, you know.”

Shane side-eyed the farmer.

“I was seriously considering it, but, y’know, I was too scared,” 

The Farmer sighed and fell onto their back, sending mud outwards with a squelch.

“Sometimes I feel so pathetic. Like my life is a joke, y’know? God, I hate myself so much, I feel like everything bad that happens is because I was there, or because I didn’t  _ do _ anything.

“I feel like everything would be better if I just wasn’t here, and that I deserve every terrible thing that happens to me, because  _ I’m _ terrible, and there’s nothing I can do about it.” 

The Farmer covered their eyes and laughed, “I  _ swear _ I wasn’t going to jump though,”

Shane swallowed a lump down his throat.

“I get that,” he said.

The Farmer sighed, “I just feel hopeless sometimes.”

“I get that too.”

The Farmer held a hand out.

“Oh, the rain’s letting up,” the Farmer said.

Shane looked up at the sky, and the raindrops were still hitting his forehead relentlessly, but he agreed anyway.

“Yeah.”

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this as a vent last year because of some personal stuff that happened... i instantly felt lighter after writing this but i would like to write a followup where shane becomes healthier as well


End file.
